The idea that "healthy couples" are simply naturally compatible is a common myth that overlooks the real work behind thriving relationships. Compatibility can certainly bring people together, but it’s not the secret to a lasting, strong partnership. In reality, successful couples are intentional about how they communicate and connect. They don’t just “end up on the same page”—they create a routine that keeps them aligned. From regular check-ins to intentional discussions about needs and future goals, these couples build a framework for open, honest dialogue. They recognize that communication strategies, like scheduling time to discuss needs or planning for shared activities, are key.

In any relationship, the daily grind can pull partners in different directions, making it easy to lose sight of each other’s needs. That’s why a regular check-in ritual, like a “needs assessment,” can be transformative. Inspired by the Gottman Method’s "State of the Union," this two-part weekly routine creates space to acknowledge needs, strengthen communication, and avoid misunderstandings before they snowball.

What is a Needs Assessment?

This weekly practice is all about getting on the same page with your partner. Held on Fridays and Sundays, each meeting has its own focus:

• Friday Needs Assessment: A Friday conversation provides an opportunity to review the week. It includes recognizing what went well, sharing unmet needs, and setting intentions for the weekend. This keeps each partner attuned to what would make the upcoming days more fulfilling.
• Sunday Needs Assessment: The Sunday meeting is a time to look ahead at the week’s logistics and schedules. This brief check-in ensures that both partners are aligned on upcoming plans, helping everyone stay on the same page for family, work, and personal commitments.

Here's a closer look at each meeting, with suggestions on how to structure them:

Friday Needs Assessment: Celebrate Wins, Address Unmet Needs, and Plan for Rest

On Fridays, you and your partner can reflect on how the week went, acknowledging each other’s efforts and discussing needs for the weekend. This practice offers three main discussion points:

1. Needs That Were Met (Appreciation): Start by expressing appreciation for things your partner did that week, no matter how small. Was there an extra chore they took on? Did they listen without judgment or offer a comforting gesture? Saying, “I appreciated how you took the time to cook on Tuesday night when I was stressed,” is a way to reinforce positive feelings.
2. Needs That Weren’t Met (Constructive Feedback): Addressing unmet needs doesn’t have to be negative. Use this time to give gentle feedback about things that didn’t feel balanced. Perhaps one of you felt stretched with extra responsibilities, or there was a missed connection. Instead of dwelling on it, frame it as an opportunity for learning and growth in your partnership, and a need that can be met in the upcoming week. This scheduled communication time, also mitigates the buildup of resentment.
3. Needs for the Weekend (Planning for Rest): The weekend can be a perfect time to recharge, but this requires mutual understanding and planning. Ask, “What do you need this weekend to feel rested?” Whether it’s time for a walk, an uninterrupted nap, or a few hours of personal time, discuss how to carve out this space, and establish roles/responsibilities (especially if children are involved) so that each partner needs to fulfill, in order to allow for 'rest' to occur for both. Even simple adjustments in your plans can go a long way in making each partner feel valued.

Sunday Needs Assessment: Prepare for the Week Ahead

On Sundays, the focus shifts to the practical details. This is when you and your partner align on what the upcoming week looks like for both of you and your family. Consider covering:

1. Calendar Review: Share the big events, commitments, and tasks on each other’s schedules for the week ahead. This may include work obligations, school events, or anything else impacting your family’s routine.
2. Family Logistics: From coordinating school drop-offs to meal planning, use this time to divide and assign responsibilities, ensuring that no one feels overwhelmed or out of the loop.
3. Anticipating Challenges Together: If you foresee any potential stressors (like a late work meeting or a family obligation), discuss them. Knowing about each other’s constraints can help you approach the week as a team, ready to support each other if challenges arise.

Why This Routine Works

By having these structured check-ins, you’re creating a rhythm that fosters security and connection. Both of you get to share your needs regularly, without waiting until small tensions escalate into big frustrations. It’s about strengthening your partnership in an intentional, loving way—acknowledging that in the busyness of daily life, each partner’s needs deserve attention.

A weekly needs assessment allows for mutual respect, empathy, and planning, keeping your relationship strong amid life’s ongoing demands. Whether you’re celebrating small victories or strategizing around busy schedules, this routine offers a way to stay engaged, connected, and prepared for whatever comes your way.

Why Couples Therapy?

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship and build better communication habits, couples therapy can provide you with tools like the needs assessment and many other effective strategies. At VOX Mental Health in Barrie, we support couples in developing intentional communication skills, learning to understand each other’s needs, and deepening connection. Our approach is tailored to each relationship, helping you move from feeling disconnected to feeling more aligned and resilient together. Reach out to us to learn how couples therapy can bring renewed clarity and support into your relationship.